The One With the Snow Falling on the 600th Day

Dear Ava, I’ve started this letter many times little one but I wasn’t sure how it would go. There were many times in this past 20 months where we were certain the end of our time with you in our home was wrapping up and the letter started as a goodbye. I remember one specific…

The One With this Little Home

Can you put into words what this past 10 years have been for us in this little home, babe? There are too many memories to bring into focus. I could talk about the time we first bought it and drove 12 hours with our idealistic mindsets and our grocery store furniture I made you rearrange…

The One with the Letter to Raeya

Oh sweet Raeya Vivian. Our “Ray of Vibrant Light.” And that you are girl, that you are. You color outside the lines on purpose and you call it art. You don’t walk, you run. You snuggle and get into everyone’s personal space. You keep us laughing with your jokes and “stubbornness”. You’re my free one….

The One Where We’ve Been Here Before

We arrived here almost 6 years ago. She was two weeks late. The bags packed for a month already. She’s stubborn. Our plans didn’t go the way we thought but she’s here. She’s here. Life will never be the same, in the best way possible. Breathe in, breathe out. We’re parents.  Tears. Trial and error….

The One about A Dream We Didn’t Know Existed

As a math teacher, my husband was trained to do a backward design approach to lesson planning. This is when you start with your overall mastery goals or assessment and then you plan for the ways you will teach the process in order to have kids reach this level. It’s pretty formulaic system that served…

The One with the Same Arms

Our arms are the same, you and I. We have both held her. We have fed her. We have embraced her. We both love her. Today, we are both her mother. When did things shift for you? When did the darkness of the night bleed into the day? When did addiction pull you under? When…

The One About Jesus

For me, how I view Jesus has morphed and changed since I was little (and to be honest it’s still evolving at times). But man, the imagery Jesus gives us. I fall more in more in love with the way he walked this earth. It’s undeniably holy and raw…just as this life is for us….

The One with The Next Step and the Wait

I guess it’s always been there. Always in the background, though. I’d pass a poster with a sign on it or I’d have student in my class that would identify as it. I’d talk about it, try to imagine it, and try to dismiss it. But a few summers ago, the voice got louder and…

The One Where We Hold the Space and Take Off the Layers

I start small. I light a candle. I pray. I shift. I turn off the TV and ignore the texts, Goggle Calendar reminders, and Facebook notifications. I sit. I abandon the to-do list in search of the people. Lately I’ve been working on holding space with others, with time, with the physical surroundings. Trying to ground myself…

The One With The Need for a Marker

Our beautiful neighbor passed away shortly after the new year. There wasn’t a funeral. There wasn’t a memorial. …another tragedy in the heartbeat that is generational poverty. Everyday I walk outside and I pause and look at the porch hoping maybe I got it wrong somehow. Maybe she’d be there calling me honey and asking…

The One With My #OneWord365

I’ve been thinking about it for two weeks. What one word would lead me into 2017? What one word can I carry through the completely unknown & familiar of my life? Part of moving forward for me has always meant looking back in a sense. Moving into 2016 my one word was LEAN. I leaned…

The One with a letter to Maeve

A few days ago you were getting your haircut…your first “bangs.” You hopped onto the  chair and you said to our hair stylist, “So what are you doing over Christmas?” Like an actual human. A mini-person. Next year you enter Kindergarten. You are so ready and daddy and I are actually pretty excited too. A lot…