The One With The Need to Look Back

I don’t consider myself very nostalgic  but there is something about revisiting a memory, event, thought at different points in your life that gets me all choked up. It’s kind of like a prism. At different angles you see something you’ve never seen before…when the light bends and reveals a new color or shape.

For me it’s rereading old books I treasured and seeing what I underlined. Yesterday I pulled out Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. It was so interesting looking at what I underlined with fresh eyes and a more traveled soul. I’m no longer this 19 year old girl reading the words on the page. I’ve grown. I’ve experienced heartbreak, grief, joy, stretching theology, marriage, careers, childbirth, mothering…the list goes on and on.

I wonder what I was thinking when I underlined these words.

Now, rereading them I have a whole new perspective to pour into them and they floor me in a new way. Some of the paragraphs are so close to my heart I feel like I could have wrote those words myself now at 32 but some of them really don’t hold the same weight as they must have to me back then.

I think that’s the beauty of revisiting.

We catch something we missed.

We can hold on to it more tightly.

We let go of what did us more harm than good.

We can rest in it.

We can move past it.

And that, beloveds, is the beauty of life. It’s in the revisiting, reclaiming, reshaping, releasing.

 

 

 

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